Why do people do what they do? Why do people get stuck in certain patterns of behavior? In short, people do what they do in an attempt to meet at least one of six needs that drive human behavior. The study of these needs is called Human Needs Psychology.
The first need in Human Needs Psychology developed by Anthony Robbins and Cloe Madanes is the need for certainty. Certainty can be found in an almost unlimited manner of ways. At the very least it means being able to avoid pain and gain pleasure.
As shared previously, people use both destructive and constructive methods. For some to be certain it means they have to be in control, others find it by having a spiritual belief that they are being watched over.
The truth is you don’t need an outside stimulus to feel certainty. You can meet this need by the focus of your mind, choosing your thoughts carefully, and experiencing a sense of love because you have developed deep relationships.
However you fulfill this need it is important to consider the impact on others. It is critical that the way you meet your needs is not only good for you but that it is good for others as well.
If you are in a relationship it is vital to ask your partner what they need to have happen to feel certain. Next you need to ask them to rate you on a scale from 1 to 10 how well you have done to meet their need in this area. You want to meet your partner’s needs at levels 8, 9, and 10 on a consistent basis.
For instance, to feel certainty your partner may say in the area of finances they need to have a minimum amount of money in the bank; in the area of relationships they may say they need you to call them once a day; in the area of health perhaps they need to remain at a chosen weight and want you to help them stay on track by removing unhealthy food from the house.
List five things you need to have happen to feel certainty in your life. If may be more than one thing in each major area of life (i.e. financial, health, relationships, spiritual, career). Ask your partner to do the same, and discuss the lists.
Tomorrow we will consider the paradox of certainty. Namely, that if you are too secure, you would rapidly descend into depression because you would be bored out of your mind. In the next article we will consider the antidote.